Are You Settling For Second Best?

Are You Settling For Second Best?9th May 2019

Thoughts - By: Sarah Begley

So many times people ask me what constitutes a great relationship. My response is that no one knows exactly what makes two people right or wrong for each other. Although I do know that if we knew, the world would be a much happier place to live in.

But what I have learned from my own experiences and through my line of work, is what does and doesn’t make for a good relationship.

In my opinion, too many people settle for less than they deserve.

That might be because many lack confidence and don’t think they’re worthy of the best partner and life. Both are as important each other because without the right person, life becomes dull and all the opportunities that come our way will be wasted on petty arguments, unhappiness, and resentment.

You’re better off on your own than with the wrong person.

We’re born and we die alone. It’s how we spend our time in between that truly matters, and finding the right person can help our wellbeing and sense of belonging.

Don’t stay with someone if:

  • The love and respect are gone
  • You’re lonely and depressed
  • You’re in an abusive relationship (physical or mental)
  • Drug addictions are involved
  • It’s just for the sake of children
  • It’s due to financial dependency

You can’t revive a relationship that’s irreparably broken. But trying to work things out between you and giving each other time to heal and getting the distance you both require, could help put things into perspective. It sounds like a cliché but taking the time to come to terms with past events will eventually make you a stronger person, capable of moving on without resentment and repeating the same mistakes.

When it does make sense to be together and maintain a healthy relationship:

  • You love and respect each other
  • Share the same core values
  • Enrich each other’s lives
  • Support each other
  • Share a dream
  • Both parties are financially independent

A close friend divorced her husband after many years. They’d met and fell in love in their twenties. After decades of putting up with his drug addiction denial, she had no option but to leave him and the marriage. Sometimes love isn’t sufficient to stay together unless there’s a willingness to change.

My friend has now found love and happiness with someone else, while her ex still lives alone refusing to accept the reason she’s no longer part of his life.

Never settle for anything less than personal happiness and fulfilment.

Hélene xx

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